"You may have more invested in today's big issue than anyone else and that could make you a little crazy. Try not to go overboard -- most of these folks just need a reason to care, so give them one!"

- is this about me teaching my kids about 9/11 today?  As the New Yorker?

In great need of amusement, since life SUCKS right now.  Found some gems on my favorite website.  Sharing:

That's How I Get My Kix

(six-year-old boy tries to cross street against traffic)
Father, grabbing boy's hand: Whoa, little man! That's dangerous!
Six-year-old boy: Daddy, I eat danger for breakfast.

--Ocean & Newkirk, Brooklyn

Ad: Still the Healthiest Thing You Can Buy at McDonald's

(man is eating, drug dealer sits at his table)
Dealer: An eight ball, right?
(man's cell rings, he answers)
Man (into cell): I'm... at the gym. (pause) Yeah, and this call has made me one of those annoying people on the phone at the treadmills. I'll call you later. (to dealer) Yeah, an eight ball.

--McDonald's, The Village

Four Out of Five Dentists Want to Know

Yuppie #1 (greeting friend): What's up?
Yuppie #2: Not-- oh, bro I think you still have some shaving cream up on your ear.
Yuppie #1 (wiping off ear): Oh, yeah, that's probably toothpaste.
Yuppie #2: How did you get toothpaste all the way up there?
Yuppie #1: You don't want to know.

--Carroll St, Brooklyn

I Didn't Know Any of This Before Tour-Guide Training

Man #1: The french gave America the Statue of Liberty?
Man #2: Yeah. Because America gave them the Eiffel Tower.

--Staten Island Ferry

You May Have Broken Up With Me, But at Least I Don't Use the Phrase "Shacking Up"

Chick holding shopping bags: Oh my god! Stan! I haven't seen you in like forever!
Chick's ex: Yeah, I've been pretty busy. Shacking up with girls, the like...you know. (chick eyes him over for some time) I look fantastic, don't I? (walks away)

--W 4th & 6th

Overheard by: friend of the ex

Anyone Else Hope She's Buying Birth Control?

Annoyed sexy girl: This is stupid! I don't see how you can just think one city is older than another!
Embarrassed boyfriend: Think about it. Can't you see how Rome would be much older than, say, Provo, Utah?
Annoyed sexy girl: Well, I've never been to either of those, so how would I know?

--Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

He's Not Just President of the Ghetto; He's Also a Member

Asian chick: Yeah, we're sisters!
White chick: Don't you mean "sistas"?
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, right.
White chick: Why is it I have to teach you ghetto language when I am the least ghetto person I know?
Homeless guy: What's wrong with the ghetto?
White chick: Nothing's wrong with the ghetto. I'm just not from there.
Homeless guy: The biggest dicks are in the ghetto!

--33rd St & 3rd Ave

You've Really Stepped Over the Line When a Hobo Calls TMI on You

Bum: Can I get a smoke?
Well-dressed 20-something: Sure man. I just ate a girl out!
Bum: Did she cum?
20-something: I don't know, she didn't let me do it for very long. (bum walks away) I can still taste her perfume!

--Penn Station

Laguna Beach, Encapsulated

Girl #1: Do you like money? Cause I like money!
Girl #2: I like money, I really like money!
Girl #3: No, no, no, I love money! I love it!

--6th Ave & 26th St, Outside Nightspot

Overheard by: Lynchbeast

Wednesday One-Liners-- As Far As You Know

Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.

--Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway

========
Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.

--Battery Park

Domo Arigato, Mr. Wednesday One-Liner

Tall guy: Yeah, you have to learn not to trust those shifty-eyed robots.

--Union Square

Where Do Your Parents Think You Are?

Underage brunette: So, do you want to go somewhere else? I kind of want to stay because that guy is so hot!
Underage blonde: No, I want to stay here because my ID works here and I'm afraid to go somewhere else. Yeah, he is hot, it's weird that he's ignoring you.
Underage brunette: I know, right? I just want to go home with him tonight.
Underage blonde: Well, when we hooked up we had sex four times that night, you know?
Underage brunette: Yeah, I guess I need to get a little more drunk. Let's go.

--Bathroom, Heartland Brewery, Empire State Building

Had no idea Seth McFarlane was THAT HOT.

wow.

He and I can hang out sometime :)

I get my horoscope pretty much everyday from some random website.  When you click on a link, you are brought to THREE different horoscopes for  your zodiac sign; your 'daily horoscope', your 'daily extended' horoscope, and since I am single, 'daily singles' horoscope (next to it on the bottom is a 'daily couples' notification, but I'm not a couple, so I skip that one).

Here is my daily horoscope for Saturday, July 5th:
It's a good day to waste money -- though it will only seem like a waste to those on the outside! Your extravagance feels like a necessity to you and should be treated as such. Live it up!

Then, the extended version for Saturday, July 5th:
Going over your budget every once in a while is fine, so don't beat yourself up if a recent credit card statement has you hyperventilating. After all, you can't avoid splurging every now and then. Plus, to get a great value, sometimes you have to put out a bit more money. You get what you pay for, after all. Nevertheless, you should still be choosy about what you spend your money on. If you relax your guard too much, you could get taken for a ride.

Now, here is my romantic horoscope for Saturday, July 5th:
An extravagant purchase might be a bad idea today. As much as you deserve to indulge, it's best to be cautious when financial matters are concerned. Save your dough for something more important to invest it.

anyone else notice a difference between these?

Last night's baseball finals:

Marlins 4, Nationals 2 
Mets 7, Cardinals 8 
Cubs 6, Giants 5
Yankees 18, Rangers 7
Red Sox 6, Rays 7 

It almost never works out that all 5 teams I follow finish in a way that makes me that happy.  The only 'wild-card' is the Mets, because I can never decide if Im a mini-Mets fan or if I'm going to count them as a team I root against.  I  used to be VERY anti-Met, but I think my dislike for the Red Sox just eclipses everything else.

Something about this, maybe not the EXACT situation, but the characters... it just screams 'Jess, Jesse, John' to me.  I know it isn't my trio, but at the same time...it now is.

Be Sure to Take Pictures for Me!

Girl, handing phone to gay Asian friend: Here, talk to John.
Gay Asian friend: Hi, John... Are you naked? [pause] What? You are naked? In this weather?! Damn, man, your thing must be as small as a peanut by now!

--Borders Bookstore, 100th & Broadway

Yesterday was a very good day at the Earth School.  At dance, I got to talk to Seth about next week, and he said it would be okay if I hung out in his room next week.  Kirsten, Kathryn's old supervisor was with him, and she remembered me, even though I didn't remember her until she told me her name (eek! that never happens!).   I had lunch duty, and it was just me and Jen T, and she admitted she didn't remember my name, but now she does.

After lunch, we got a call and Maya asked me to go outside and help Carmen N watch 2 classes of 1st/2nd graders, and I did, and that was fun.  Pretty good group. 

After school I had to go bother Seth about his last name so I could tell A-reads, and if he would sign my timesheet, and he said pretty much, 'I'll sign anything'.  So we agreed that meant that if I killed a kid, I could just say, 'Seth said I could do it and he'd sign off on it'.  I think next week is going to be a very fun week, but I'll miss my monsters.

Then as I was leaving, I went to the bathroom and walked in singing 'Tomorrow's just another day' by Lillix as it was stuck in my head, but stopped when I realized there was someone else in there.  Came out to wash my hands, and the person was still in there getting ready.  And it was Jessica, the other 4/5 teacher.  And she asked if it had been me singing, and I said yes, and she said I had a beautiful voice.  Oh Jess.

Actually, was a good day in general.  Went to services and they had the candles in the center and we sang such good songs it felt like we were around a campfire.  And I love camp fires.  Had a long chat with Barry at dinner, even though I wasn't staying.  I got to drink out of a  bio-degradable cup, and it was fun.

Went home, had a convo with Knowles about unicorns (mine is Chad, his is Sarah Rennie and 2 other people), but really, I think I should have said 'you'd be a great unicorn for me', but it will never happen.

Today I ruined a project for Erica, did some exercises, and am currently listening to 'Step by Step'.  Day's off to a good start :)

There was a time in my life where i used to write in script when I wanted to write SMALLER/fit things in...

now the reverse is true.  My print can be legible at about a size -4 font (so says the computer teacher who found my page of notes), but my script is big.

When did that change?

Know when you just have a really random night?  Like, you're not fully sure why any of the events unfolded, but they did, and it was kinda awesome?

To start, I had no intention of going out last night.  I was sorta hoping to stay in, because I was on Long Is on Friday and didn't get home and asleep until 2:30, and while no, that's not late, it is for me.  Well, I went online, was chatting with Jenn, and Allana IMed me like 'wanna go out?'.  She asked me to meet her at this bar called Home Sweet Home on Chrystie Street, and I agreed to meet her there around 10.

The bar was ridiculous.  Like, they had an actual lion's head on the counter, and a toy gun with a 'BANG!' flag hanging behind the register.  So funny.  Allana finally showed up, and we made our way over to the side of the bar and she ordered me a Guiness.  I'm not a beer person (okay, let's be real, I'm not really an alcohol person), but I paid the $6.00 for it, and sipped at it.  We chatted, had a great time, and then her phone rang.  We were hoping it was Casey, this boy she met last weekend, but it was not.

It was Jeremy.  Jeremy from freshman year, the kid with the crazy green spike earrings.  He wanted to meet up, so he did.  And he brought a friend, Gabriel, who joined the Navy last year, and is on leave for a few weeks and wanted to drink.  Yeah... Gabriel is the tall kid from Conversations of the West.  Like, he walked over after Jeremy had pointed to him, and I was like, "Ohhhhh My G-d, it's that kid!".  So random.  He opened a tab at the bar, but I didn't want to take advantage of that.  At that point, Allana took my beer and instead got my the one drink I can almost tolerate, an Amaretto Sours, because it's really sweet and you can't taste the alcohol.  It was fun catching up with the two of them, and later her friend Alex joined us and that was cool, too.  However, Gabriel was being kinda like, 'you and I are going to go dance' and I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally didn't want to.  He kept bringing it up, too.  I don't think I minded so much that he wanted to dance as the fact that I think he thought it might lead to more, and it just wasn't going to happen.  I left around 2, managing to avoid that, but I felt really bad.

The other important part of the night is that I fell in love with the bartender.  I don't know his name, but we'll clal him Justin.  Justin was wearing a Chicago BULLS jersey (#23, Jordan, thank you very much!), and he danced around behind the bar the ENTIRE 3 or 4 hours we were there.  Oh man.  I absolutely fell in love.  He even has two different Kurt Vonnegut things tattooed on his arms.  I would happily go back to that bar to see him again.   :)

*If that picture doesn't scream, "hire me, New York City Department of Education, I am CLEARLY a mature, responsible, always-appropriate-with-children kind of girl", I just don't know what will...


*my facebook no longer says that - a pretend 'happy birthday' present for a guy who doesn't know I thought of him on his birthday